December 08, 2002 at 11:58 AM
all i can say is, thank god i'm not regretting anything.
by anything, i mean, not sleeping with him.
because i would feel about 5000 times more shitty than i do right now. taking such a huge step in a relationship for it to end, and have to start over.
i'm trying to write what happened without actually writing it... word for word. because not only does it hurt more than anyone could know, but he reads this.
one of those times where i wish diaryland was like livejournal and had that block on your diary for just your people on your buddy list thing.
i don't like telling people my problems, i guess it's because i don't really need sympathy (i got enough of that from dashboard confessional) and i don't want friends to think that that's what i'm after. plus, most of you are incredibly lucky enough to not have felt like this yet.
finals and breakups promote suicide.
well, ok that's a little harsh, and HELL NO i'm not seriously contemplating it. besides, aacc dance company tryouts are in january. (ok so maybe that wasn't so funny..)
you get the picture now? i've been beating around the bush for the past 10 minutes. $20 says he doesn't tell anyone [not even his fam] about wednesday or his new status, or even the fact that he might be upset (though he probably isn't). and another $15 say he's gonna be pissed when he comes to school on monday. here's why.
some kid i don't even know was at hot topic on friday nite. he was like "heyyyy! ur dating ******, right?" and i didnt know how to respond to that. "well, used to date...", i trailed off. the kid started freakin out like "omg! i'm so sorry! if i woulda known i would not have said anything!.. blah blah.." and i responded along the lines of that it JUST happened, and theres no way he could have known. but what really floored me was that he knew who i was, but i've never seen him before in my life. hmmmm, strange. he also said ****** was getting his ass beat. but by looking at this kid.. i had my doubts. plus i dont want him hurt, it's weird.
i picked up lisa and joey and took them to lisa's from wendy's on wednesday, which is where all that shit happened. so they know. i mean i was so trashed. joey was like "so, have you been drinking?"
i'm still drunk off your kiss
for another night in a row
this is becoming too routine for me
-new found glory (yay)
sorry that reminded me of a song.. i had to break-out for a second.
joey knowing means erica and tara know. i told melissa because she's my girl and helped me alot. and that kid at my work. and ed. he was at work last nite.
i think that's enough people to spread it around the whole school.. or maybe just the band room. just kidding! i'm sure i can trust you and them. not like i care if people start asking him shit.
parents don't understand, either. "i told you so" are the four words i despise hearing from my dad's mouth. he can be right about some things, just not this, man.
don't say to move on. it's impossible to me right now. i'm still trying to find some way to not think about this and study for finals [which are this week]. great fucking timing, huh? i mean, mike his brother is at aacc, so he should KNOW when finals are. i'm such a wreck. i can't even drive lol.
*****
moving the fuck on.. work last nite was interesting.
first, julie was in the hospital because she was driving behind a truck on her way to work yesterday morning. a big chunk of ice flew off the top of the truck, pierced her windshield and shattered it. julie, being easily high strung, was in shock trauma the whole day. merry, one of our other employees said something to the effect of the reason sajin decided not to show up on the closing shift was because she is bulimic. sajin was in the hospital too, but she didnt say why exactly when she called out.
so.. to make a long story short, vinnie and i had to close hot topic from 7:30-10 by ourselves. i have never seen so many returns/exchanges/crazy parents before in my life. i rang while he did pretty much everything else. and the mall closes at 10 now, so at 10 we half pull-down the gate and turn off the music, otherwise people will keep coming in. people wouldn't leave! i think the last group finally left at 10:30. and needless to say, the store looked like dorothy's tornado had blown right through it.
we made $15,000 yesterday. vinnie had to count it all.. poor baby. meanwhile, i had to clean the whole store. rock wall and mini rock wall was a disaster because of our "buy one rock tee, get one 1/2 off promo".
my mommy and daddy picked me up because it's icy everywhere and no place to park. they had to wait forever because my shift was supposed to end at 11:30, but we didn't get outta there til 12:30.
we had to make employee stockings for holidays :) mike made this HUGE stocking out of red fabric and duct tape. it was 13ft x 3 ft!
well i gotta go hang out with my mommy.
bye bye.